Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My penis needs a shock collar
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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