somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
