No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I currently don't understand fingers.
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