Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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