Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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