He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
