At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
