The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
