I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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