if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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