Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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