omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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