Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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