Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
operation have a gay friend backfired
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
