The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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