Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
