is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
