Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
