he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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