census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
