it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
