Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Say something about gay babies.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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