just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
