I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I came so hard my ears popped.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
