I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
