Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
