How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
