I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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