I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
