I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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