your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You're earring is so big in my mouth
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
