New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My dick has a subreddit
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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