In the future we'll all be gay
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
