I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize