How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
