One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
