he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
