I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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