I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
