Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
