so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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