So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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