so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
