I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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