Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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