does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
