mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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