I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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