I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
