finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
