I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
