i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
