Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
