I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
